The Worst Metal Albums of 2012

With the end of 2012 around the corner it's that time of year. That magical time when every site on the net, magazine, radiostation, person on facebook, etc, etc, etc posts their picks for the year. This is all pretty subjective stuff and based on tastes, but of course I intend to get my 2 cents in as well.

This year, with the new blog, I figured I'd start off with the worst albums of 2012. Basically, I thought I'd post these turds first since posting them after the best albums seems sort of anticlimactic. Hold on to your ears because here comes the biggest pieces of shit that I've listened to this year. I try to stick to reviews I'm interested in on some level, but sometimes albums like these gets reviewed because they have a lot of buzz, are from a big name, or were released by a band I like that just took a downward turn. Whatever the reason these reviews were warnings to avoid the following albums.

Without further ado here are the 5 worst metal albums I heard in 2012...

5. Blaze Bayley - The King Of Metal

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I almost hate to give Blaze a kick while he's down, but any sympathy I feel for this guy doesn't make this album less of a trainwreck. The King of Metal features a goofy title, a band of mediocre hired guns, a budget that must have been based on what change Blaze could find in his couch, and a rough songwriting session. This album just sounds plain amateur in production and songs. Blaze Bayley - The King Of Metal? Not quite. More like a footnote in metal history based on a poor choice at vocals by Iron Maiden. I've liked some of his solo stuff, but he can barely keep a band together these days and I don't see record labels knocking down his door. Things just aren't looking good for Blaze.

4. Unisonic - Unisonic

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Anything featuring Kai Hansen and Michael Kiske is going to be burdened by some expectations. Most reasonable people probably didn't expect the second coming of Keepers era Helloween, but I think most at least hoped for something that brought the two together in speedy, happy fashion again. Unfortunately, that was not in the cards. It almost seemed to be the case when the songs Unisonic and Souls Alive hit the net, but that was just good marketing. Those were the songs the fans wanted to hear (more or less), but those shiny singles were just hiding a whole lot of fluff. Basically, Unisonic was made of the kind of bland melodic rock Kiske favors these days. Not totally surprising, but those two sample tracks were a real tease. Kai Hansen's time could certainly be better spent.

3. Bloodbound - In The Name Of Metal

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The lesson of this album may be that sometimes it Is appropriate to judge a book (or CD) by it's cover. Just look at that shit and really take it in. What you see on the cover is Exactly what you get when you play the music inside. This is some of the cheesiest, most uninspired shit ever. Just the absolute dregs of power metal cliches and unlike Dream Evil, they fail to make it amusing or pull it off. Granted this band didn't always have the best lyrics, but this album just sounds like it didn't really have any ideas, but to scrape together the worst of the power metal genre's ideas.

2. Adrenaline Mob - Omerta

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I get that a musician has to pay the bills, but any blatant attempt at "selling out" isn't necessarily going to earn the favor of your fanbase. Such is the case with this Adrenaline Mob which seems more intent on breaking ear drums than thumbs. This is just such a waste of talent from it's members and it's quite frankly embarassing. Like the above Bloodbound album, this is a collection of terrible cliches. The only difference is that instead of power metal's worst this is nu-metal/radio rock's worst. That is a whole other level of suck.

1. Steve Harris - British Lion

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What's worse than selling out? Making an album this fucking awful for no god damn reason. Shit, Steve Harris didn't have to start another project to make money. He just Wanted to make this music. I hate saying bad about a metal god and there is no way this can diminish the man's legacy, but this is an atrocious album. It is unfathomable to me that Steve Harris actually wanted to work with castrato vocalist Richard Taylor to make the most boring modern rock ever. I think it's best for everyone if we just collectively pretend this never existed after the close of the year.

Steve Harris - British Lion

Alternative Rock
EMI

2012

1. This Is My God
2. Lost Worlds
3. Karma Killer
4. Us Against The World
5. The Chosen Ones
6. A World Without Heaven
7. Judas
8. Eyes Of The Young
9. These Are The Hands
10. The Lesson

When an album like this comes along, one has to temper their expectations immediately. Yeah this is Steve Harris of Iron Maiden, but you knew from the start this wasn't going to be Maiden. If it was, it would be under that name as Harris has more than a little bit to do with Maiden's songwriting anyways. There is more input from the other members these days, but it's still basically his band. You had to also realize that Steve Harris is one of the earlier metal guys who has his roots in hard rock, progressive rock, etc. I was prepared for something along those lines and not necessarily metal. My hopes rested simply on a good rock album with maybe some classic and/or progressive influences. Nothing could have prepared me for this though.

The moment the vocals hit in This Is My God I knew there was no hope. None. They really are that awful. Richard Taylor had to have been neutered at an early age to sound like this big of a pussy. These are the most wretched, whiny vocals I have ever heard and put the worst alt rock, emo, or grunge to shame. Why someone of Steve Harris' magnitude would want to work with someone like this is utterly mind boggling as I'm sure he could have drawn in some serious vocal talent who would love to be involved with him. The decision to make an album with this singer was enough to doom this project immediately.

Well, with that elephant in the room pointed out we can proceed to the music. Basically, it sounds like totally generic alt rock turds that you could hear on an EA sports game soundtrack or something of the like. Just really by the numbers, commercial garbage. I mean all I can really say here is a big WOW. I'd think something like this would be a cash grab, but I can't believe that would be the motivation because it lacks the big money exposure. Honestly, I have no fucking idea why anyone would create this abortion.

I don't listen to a lot of mainstream/radio rock at all, but shit that comes to mind for me includes U2 at times and Smashing Pumpkins at others mixed with some Slightly heavier guitar and a fair amount of bass. I use heavy very losely here, but it does seem like it made a passing effort to be so in the guitar sound if nothing else. Don't get excited about the bass either as it is simple and carried no real energy. I couldn't even believe my ears listening to this and I only made myself listen all the way through for the sake of this review and maybe warning people. I'm sure people will get curious and listen to it anyway since it's Steve Harris, but you cannot say you weren't warned if you haven't listened yet.

Just save yourselves and forget this album ever existed. Steve Harris is that metal god in Iron Maiden. Nothing else. This doesn't exist. Go about your business. But hey... Second zero rating this year. Waita go 2012. Maybe the apocalypse is coming after all.

Highlights: Hahahaha

Rating - 0/5