The Worst Metal Albums Of 2013

It's that time again folks. 2013 is just about at an end and I've wrapped up my reviews. That means list time. Before getting into all the great albums of this waning year I've got some other albums to highlight. The cream of the crap. This is pretty much my second chance to warn people away from these disasters or just have a little fun st the expense of albums worthy of mocking. It is sort of a masochistic process as I inevitably end up listening to these trainwrecks again to write about them, but what are the holidays without some discomfort and disappointment? Let's get on with it. The following at the worst 5 albums I had the misfortune of hearing in 2013.


5. Oliva - Raise The Curtain

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What is that glare? My computer screen? Ohhh I can feel the glare of Jon Oliva fans right through my screen. Neat. Yes Oliva fans I completely loathed this album. You know that artist that you used to love back in the day and for some reason keep checking out their new stuff? That musician you used to love and for some reason have this sliver of hope they'll make something you like again? Yeah. That is Jon Oliva in a nutshell for me. I keep trying to like his new albums and end up with a musical Cleveland steamer every time. All I want is a hard hitting, raw, straight up metal album and all I get is this wacky, goofy, sometimes incredibly cheesy experimentation. It's just fucking sad. Jon Oliva's screams over aggressive heavy metal was Amazing back in the day. Now he's just farting around with anything weird he can throw into his music to make it sound as experimental as possible. No Jon Oliva... I said to make me a metal album and Hold the jazz. Just fucking shred and scream and be metal damn you. I should probably get it through my head there is not going to be another early Savatage style album, but damn it I want one and I keep listening. I'm in an abusive relationship with an obese man. Please help me.


4. Sacred Oath - Fallen

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This one is just particularly sad to write. Sacred Oath used to be sort of a point of local pride. These guys hail from my home state of Connecticut and I've always liked them.  I honestly have no idea what happened here. It's sort of puzzling. They had been on a perfectly good run of well constructed, straight ahead metal albums with good screams and riffs and then... This happened. This album just sounds purely amateur. The band doesn't even sound like they're on the same page at times. It's almost like the band suddenly and intentionally decided to make an album with the refinement of Billy Milano on meth. Sort of a St. Anger type scenario. The fact that this album comes from a singer/songwriter who owns a music studio and has many years experience in the business is just mind boggling. This is the kind of contrived raw crap that can only be made intentionally. From spoken/rap-ish vocals to the musical chaos of everyone seemingly playing a different song, this one just sounds like something a group of teenagers with a bunch of angst, but little grasp of their instruments would come up with.


3. Giant X - I

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I can't really say this one was entirely unexpected. I mean did you guys hear Rolf's other attempt at a side project Toxic Taste? That one was a glam rock train wreck that failed so hard Rolf had to pretty much reconsider and reform Running Wild. Based on that I can't say I was really expecting anything good from Giant X, but there was the hope Rolf had learned something from the experience. Well... nope. Not a thing. The more Rolf tries to branch out, the more I realize that he should probably be using the letter Rrrrr a lot as he sings about buried treasure and ships. The guy has a great flare for the epic sea tunes, but for some reason he keeps wanting to make shitty 80s arena rock. I can't say I really understand it. If this is really the sort of music Rolf would rather be making, that is kind of disappointing. I can understand his desire to do something different after singing about pirates for so many damn years, but how about a straight up metal album? Maybe something like the first couple Running Wild albums? This album just sounds dated and awful. I didn't know that X was a euphemism for a dump in Germany.


2. Geoff Tate's Queensryche - Frequency Unknown

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This is probably one of the most satisfying bad albums I've ever heard. After all Geoff Tate's pretentious douchebaggery he finally drove Queensryche to tell him to get the fuck out. Then, like the spoiled cunt he is, he ran off to make his own Queensryche album. Because obviously he should own the band name instead of... all the other band members combined. If ever it was time to put up or shut up, this was it for Tate. He had sole control and he had to prove the other members needed him more than he needed them... and he fell flat on his smug face. The real Queensryche put out a great album that got back to the progressive Metal with a vocalist who can soar like Geoff Tate was Once able to do. And what did Geoff Tate do? He put out some alt rock garbage in much the same vein as his solo stuff. Geoff made it perfectly clear hear he's not interested in metal, never really has been, and if he had his say the band would be making this shit. Geoff Tate may have had value to Queensryche in the past, but in 2013 he proved the band is much better off without him now. You've gotta love when a total shithead just gets what's coming to him.


1. Phillip H. Anselmo & The Illegals - Walk Through Exit Only

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I'm not going to beat around the bush here. This isn't even a music album. This is an album of noise. There is nothing musical about this. This is chaos and screaming and then it's over. Ever seen the part in Event Horizon where everyone is going insane in the hell dimension? Where they rip their eyes out and shit because of what they've seen? Yeah... this auditory discord is pretty much the album version of that. Total fucking chaos. Just everyone playing their own song at the same time while Phil does his best to sound tough and bad ass. You're trying too hard little Philly... too hard. It's become pretty obvious to me that most of Phil's success has come on the backs of other, more talented, musicians. Either that or he just bought into his own image (and drugs, lots of drugs) too much.

Geoff Tate's Queensryche - Frequency Unknown

Alternative Rock/Metal
Deadline
2013

1. Cold
2. Dare
3. Give It To You
4. Slave
5. in The Hands Of God
6. Running Backwards
7. Life Without You
8. Everything
9. Fallen
10. The Weight Of The World

I'm gonna come right out and say I went into listening to this album with basically no hope for anything good. There's no use in denying it. I absolutely hate Geoff Tate and every time he opens his mouth for an interview I wish I was there to punch him in the face. If there has ever been a frontman who was a cancer to a band than it is this guy. From the classic "I'm really not a metal guy, I like jazz." quotes to the direction he led the band and the way he treated the other members to cabaret shows this guy is a disease. I really try my best to give every album it's fair listen(s) and I did that here, but it would be a lie to say I didn't go into this expecting crap. Perhaps the only reason I listened to Frequency Unknown is because of all the drama and hilarity surrounding the two camps using the Queensryche name. That has been some quality entertainment and I had to hear the end result from Geoff. Note that I will not be basing this review on the bonus tracks that are redos of old material. Frankly, I don't think an album should be weighed on any past glories.

I guess the first thing that struck me as soon as the music started was the terrible sound. The mix on this just sounds muffled and amateur. I know there are plans to remix this and re-release this, which was demanded by fans in hilarious fashion, but for now I'm going off of what I hear and it sounds pretty bad. Then again as I got deeper into the album I really didn't see what good polishing a turd would do anyways.

Musically, this pretty much reminds me of Geoff Tate's solo stuff because that is what it is. This is his vision of the band and most Queensryche fans know what that means... Alternative rock terribleness. On Frequency Unknown any metal influence the other band members kept in the band despite the douche in chief is pretty much gone and replaced by hired gun yes men. While this influence being gone from the rest of Queensryche is certainly a good thing, letting this dog off it's leash completely has lead to this musical horror that is even worse than even I could have expected. This seriously might even be bad in terms of his solo offerings though at that point it's like comparing diarrhea from different spoiled foods. If you can listen to the alternative/funk nonsense in Dare and not vomit than you sir are a stronger man than I. By the time I hit this, the second track, I was questioning why I do things like this to myself. And it only gets worse.

You'd think since Geoff is basically just trying to make money off the Queensryche name at this point this would at least keep a pretense of metal, but then again I'm not sure Geoff has ever really known anything about metal. I also don't think Tate would ever back off his ego enough to realize the direction he was taking Queensryche in was not working with the fans who actually buy/have bought his music. I guess Slave is about what someone like Mr. Leather-Vest-Hipster thinks metal is though. It's sorta heavy I guess in a modern and discordant way, but really it resembles awful grunge more than anything metal. That's basically what this is... someone who's a self professed metal outsider trying to figure out what metal is. And for help the guy has writing input from Jason Slater, a producer and musician involved with such awesome music as Snake River Conspiracy, Earshot, and Slaves On Dope. He did produce some of the Queensryche stuff as well, but that just goes further to show Geoff Tate left the band and took everything terrible associated with later Queensryche with him. Let me not forget to mention that Lukas Rossi, the guy who won the reality tv nonsense of Rockstar Supernova, also contributed to the songwriting. Are you scared yet? You should be.

I feel like I've already spent more time writing about this album than it deserves so I'm not going to indulge in total track by track or any of that. I'll basically just say that it gets no better. Geoff Tate mewls lifelessly over poorly constructed, poorly mixed, mid to low tempo, alt rock garbage for what seems like forever and then you get some bonus tracks to remind you of what Queensryche really is/was. Don't expect any big epic screams, emotional power, or anything of that sort and certainly don't think for a second you're going to get the progressive metal of Queensryche's glory days. This album can only be loosely connected to metal in the way that Geoff once fronted a big name metal band. He has never been the soul of Queensryche though. Really his only use to Queesryche was his voice and that has faded with time. All you're left with here is the terrible influence Geoff had on Queensryche unfiltered.

There really is no reason to waste your time with this barring curiosity Remember though that curiosity killed the cat and killing a cat is exactly what this album sounds like. I had to suffer through this, but maybe you can still be saved. An F U right back at ya Geoff Tate. I know I've probably spent a bunch of this review just ripping into Geoff Tate but he deserves it. He deserves it ever so much.

Highlights: Just no

Rating - 0/5