5. Oliva - Raise The Curtain
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What is that glare? My computer screen? Ohhh I can feel the glare of Jon Oliva fans right through my screen. Neat. Yes Oliva fans I completely loathed this album. You know that artist that you used to love back in the day and for some reason keep checking out their new stuff? That musician you used to love and for some reason have this sliver of hope they'll make something you like again? Yeah. That is Jon Oliva in a nutshell for me. I keep trying to like his new albums and end up with a musical Cleveland steamer every time. All I want is a hard hitting, raw, straight up metal album and all I get is this wacky, goofy, sometimes incredibly cheesy experimentation. It's just fucking sad. Jon Oliva's screams over aggressive heavy metal was Amazing back in the day. Now he's just farting around with anything weird he can throw into his music to make it sound as experimental as possible. No Jon Oliva... I said to make me a metal album and Hold the jazz. Just fucking shred and scream and be metal damn you. I should probably get it through my head there is not going to be another early Savatage style album, but damn it I want one and I keep listening. I'm in an abusive relationship with an obese man. Please help me.
4. Sacred Oath - Fallen
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This one is just particularly sad to write. Sacred Oath used to be sort of a point of local pride. These guys hail from my home state of Connecticut and I've always liked them. I honestly have no idea what happened here. It's sort of puzzling. They had been on a perfectly good run of well constructed, straight ahead metal albums with good screams and riffs and then... This happened. This album just sounds purely amateur. The band doesn't even sound like they're on the same page at times. It's almost like the band suddenly and intentionally decided to make an album with the refinement of Billy Milano on meth. Sort of a St. Anger type scenario. The fact that this album comes from a singer/songwriter who owns a music studio and has many years experience in the business is just mind boggling. This is the kind of contrived raw crap that can only be made intentionally. From spoken/rap-ish vocals to the musical chaos of everyone seemingly playing a different song, this one just sounds like something a group of teenagers with a bunch of angst, but little grasp of their instruments would come up with.
3. Giant X - I
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I can't really say this one was entirely unexpected. I mean did you guys hear Rolf's other attempt at a side project Toxic Taste? That one was a glam rock train wreck that failed so hard Rolf had to pretty much reconsider and reform Running Wild. Based on that I can't say I was really expecting anything good from Giant X, but there was the hope Rolf had learned something from the experience. Well... nope. Not a thing. The more Rolf tries to branch out, the more I realize that he should probably be using the letter Rrrrr a lot as he sings about buried treasure and ships. The guy has a great flare for the epic sea tunes, but for some reason he keeps wanting to make shitty 80s arena rock. I can't say I really understand it. If this is really the sort of music Rolf would rather be making, that is kind of disappointing. I can understand his desire to do something different after singing about pirates for so many damn years, but how about a straight up metal album? Maybe something like the first couple Running Wild albums? This album just sounds dated and awful. I didn't know that X was a euphemism for a dump in Germany.
2. Geoff Tate's Queensryche - Frequency Unknown
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This is probably one of the most satisfying bad albums I've ever heard. After all Geoff Tate's pretentious douchebaggery he finally drove Queensryche to tell him to get the fuck out. Then, like the spoiled cunt he is, he ran off to make his own Queensryche album. Because obviously he should own the band name instead of... all the other band members combined. If ever it was time to put up or shut up, this was it for Tate. He had sole control and he had to prove the other members needed him more than he needed them... and he fell flat on his smug face. The real Queensryche put out a great album that got back to the progressive Metal with a vocalist who can soar like Geoff Tate was Once able to do. And what did Geoff Tate do? He put out some alt rock garbage in much the same vein as his solo stuff. Geoff made it perfectly clear hear he's not interested in metal, never really has been, and if he had his say the band would be making this shit. Geoff Tate may have had value to Queensryche in the past, but in 2013 he proved the band is much better off without him now. You've gotta love when a total shithead just gets what's coming to him.
1. Phillip H. Anselmo & The Illegals - Walk Through Exit Only
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I'm not going to beat around the bush here. This isn't even a music album. This is an album of noise. There is nothing musical about this. This is chaos and screaming and then it's over. Ever seen the part in Event Horizon where everyone is going insane in the hell dimension? Where they rip their eyes out and shit because of what they've seen? Yeah... this auditory discord is pretty much the album version of that. Total fucking chaos. Just everyone playing their own song at the same time while Phil does his best to sound tough and bad ass. You're trying too hard little Philly... too hard. It's become pretty obvious to me that most of Phil's success has come on the backs of other, more talented, musicians. Either that or he just bought into his own image (and drugs, lots of drugs) too much.
